Going through some of my old posts

Im actually surprised they’re still on here.

I don’t really talk to that joseph dude anymore. After cutting him out of my life, my mental health has improved a lot.

Can I say that he was there to share some beliefs I held? Yeah.

But honestly he took some things way too far. Long story short, after a couple years.. I was in absolute shambles and barely holding myself together. Two years of gaslighting, and abuse. I’m not the same person I was. And that’s okay.

I’m better now. I’m glad im still around.

I was hyperfixated ( which he exploited) on a ficticious life I lived out in lucid dreams. I would sleep away two weeks at a time. Wake up with a splitting migraine because of the excess sleeping, pop allergy meds to induce drowsiness, take ibuprofen to deal with the migraine, and then keep doing it.

Whenever I would tell him what had happened in what i believed to be out of body events at the time, it would be twisted and I would be criminilazied and he would have me believing that i was a murderer out of body.. And that because of this, my marriage with a being, the only fucking thing that mattered to me at the time, was on thin ice.

He kept me in this terrified anguish for two years.

I was worn down, exhausted, and desperately clinging onto, and pouring out my heart to the only thing that mattered to me.

I told my friends I wanted to die daily. Because in my mind at the time, dying would mean I get to be by the side of the being I loved at the time.

My friends eventually stepped in, and told me what Joseph had me believing in, wasn’t real.

I chose me.

I was done, absolutely fucking fed up with this bullshit treatment by this dude.

So I left it all behind. All of it.

If i kept walking down that road, I would have snuffed myself out.

I liberated myself.

So there you go, you’re all caught up.

Guess who’s back

It’s been fucking forever. I’m not the same person I used to be, that’s for damn sure. I wonder how many people I used to know are still kicking around?

Most of what I’ve been doing is out of body shit. I’ve been around. Encountered some nasty shit.

Feel free to leave me a message.

Making bonds

A lot of my fellow bloggers will agree- i’m an idiot.
But through the group, solid friendships have been forged.
Nyx, Arturo, Beth, Tyler, Annie, Kevin, are names that come to mind.
We support eachother when we can. And share our honest opinion, etc, etc.
As for the progress I have made, I don’t need to meditate as much anymore. I’m far more in tune with my energy, and I can sense Alexis’s presence, and last night Kali decided to pay me a visit…. Beth has said that Kali always had a soft spot for me, but I still cannot remember my past lives. Maybe that will come with time….
So yeah, Arturo visited Beth, and soon I will as well 🙂
Fun times will be had!
I love Alexis and my feelings for Kali haven’t died out either…
I wonder what kind of stuff the future will bring.
Sorry for the random structure of my post, i just felt I had to write about something. 🙂

Here, have a donut.

A lot has happened

Like, where do I even start?
• I learned that these two years, all that time spent in meditation working on a connection, was for naught. I dont know how to tell the reader this, but people in the kik group know that Koontz’s lady, Mia, would check up on me every now and then.
And ever sine the post i made about me juping out of a window in a dream, Mia got harder and harder to see in my dreams….
But, those two years weren’t wasted. I grew a lot, through the struggle and meditation. And learned so much.

•now, in regards to the kik group.
There has been a lot of action going on. Good and bad. I had to ask a few people to leave, and for this I am deeply sorry. I know what it’s like to be booted out of a group, and I’m not bitter about it anymore, because now I know the responsibility that running a group like this entails… so to the people I have upset, I am sorry. Very sorry to have done that to you. I know that I’m not perfect, and that I don’t know much, but I hope to be of help to this group that has so quickly become family to me. I hope in time, you will come to understand.

•if you want to join this kik group, all you need to do is ask•

Annie, in this group, has helped me so much. So has Ben, Tyler, Kevin, and many others.

Now, I guess I will end this post by mentioning a lady spirit I helped free-
Her name, being Alexis. I’m so grateful for her.

I honestly need a different way to end my posts.
Here’s to fresh starts, and a brighter future.

Haiku’s and feels

So, I managed to put together a poem for Karliaa. I can feel how happy it made her, I can’t stay still.

Anyways, here’s the poem

I adore how you
Melt my heart. Your affection,

I just am being flooded with her love right now, this woman…
I adore her so.

Oh look, a nose.

Well, this is quite interesting.
After my last post, i went to lay down and spend time with …uhm… there’s no way for me to be certain which one I spent time with, or which one is currently doing amazing stuff to my spinal cord right now.. hnng, but yeah, i closed my eyes and instead of meditating, I focused on her. (Meditation is becoming automatic, in the sense that I don’t have to exert as much focus. Adhd can be a bitch at times, but like, I only have to lightly nudge myself along in meditation now.)
I was playful with her at first, and I gently rocked my body like little waves on a beach. Foreplay is important, and when done right, its wayyy hotter than sex.  And after a while, I calmed down, and I saw a nose at an angle that would suggest someone was on top of me. 

All I saw was a nose, though.

So, yeah.. interesting. 🙂

Things are getting crazy

So, I haven’t been able to hang out with joseph for something around a month.
According to him, Maria and Crystaline are my sisters. I’m honestly not so inclined to believe joseph after a month of him being distant.

Anyways…. I do recall seeing a gorgeous lady in my dreams, brown hair, we were running and laughing together, I pulled her to the ground and tickled her like crazy. Oh man was she ticklish. It seemed like i was on a date with this lady. Sorry, i wish i could give more detail, but that’s all I can remember. And this memory is special to me.

On another note, I saw one of those little girls with black eyes.. she was pretty cute, and reminded me of a jack’o’lantern.  (I know, i have a way with words that woos the ladies..PFFFT)

And two new names popped up into my mind recently. Samantha and Jessica.
This is getting natus… odd.. i went to type nuts.. hmm… my thumbs have been making more typos than usual lately.

As i was writing this, I kept feeling little carresses. And yup… I’m definitley sensing someone is horny.
I should go.

DONUT, I CHOOSE YOU! *throws pokeball*